Permission to Rest: Embracing Solitude with God

I remember well the first time I took a personal retreat, all on my own.

The spiritual, mental, emotional and physical exhaustion of mothering four boys between the ages of 1 and 6 and living the demanding life of being an overseas Christian worker had taken its toll. I felt desperate to have some time alone with God, alone with nature, alone with myself.

God saw my need and brought a friend who listened, encouraged and connected me to owners of a cabin on a lake where I could be… alone.

Lest you think I am a hermit, a loner or unsociable, be assured I love people. I loved my husband and kids. The love of God and His gospel had led us to take the big leap to go love a people we did not know, learn their language and learn to call our adopted country “home”.

But I had never been taught how to take extended time to be alone. No one had given me “permission” to do so, and it felt selfish or indulgent. But I was desperate to not hear the word “Mommy”, to not need to make daily decisions, to not need to answer a phone or email or anyone’s needs. Even desperate not have to speak.

If someone had told me back then that what I desired was “soul care”, “self-care”, or a spiritual practice, I might have dismissed it.  I still believed 

1) I should be able to handle the life God had given to me. 

2) It was wrong to long for something that felt so lavish. 

3) I should be ashamed for not being able to “just keep going” (where was my faith?). 

Thankfully, my friend made it sound like such a normal thing, something she had done now and then herself. And as a Bible-reading Christian, I often paused with longing at the words in scripture, 

• "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed" (Luke 5:16)

• “And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed.” (Mark 1:35)

• “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). 

If those words weren’t permission enough to be alone, to commune with God, to rest in nature, to be soak in silence and solitude, then what would be?

So, what was it like? How did I plan for it? What did I do? How long did it last? 

I’ll leave those details for the next time. 

Let’s just say God refreshed my soul in ways I longed for and didn’t expect. I truly needed that time alone with my own heart and with the Maker of my heart. 

It would take me several more years to learn that a regular practice of silence and solitude with God is not a luxury, but a foundational habit of grace for those who desire to live an abiding life in Christ Jesus. 

What stirs in you as you think of silence and solitude?

What would it be like to get away and have only God as your companion?

Jenny Meeker

Jenny is a spiritual companion and Selah program graduate, passionate about helping others listen deeply to God.

After 27 years of cross-cultural ministry in Croatia with her husband and raising four sons, she experienced a season of transition and spiritual dryness that led her to discover the healing gift of spiritual companionship. She now offers others the same grace-filled space to grow in intimacy with God.

RENEW Ministry